Brown and Alan Johnson - a nice try
posted: Friday March 06, 2009
Gordon Brown called Alan Johnson into his office
one day and said 'Alan, I have a great idea! We are going to go
all out to win back the hearts and souls of the medical profession'.
'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said
'Well' said Brown 'we'll find a large district
hospital, turn up unanounced, and spend the day walking around and
asking questions, you know the sort of thing. We'll pretend to look
as if we really give a shit about the NHS - apart from the votes
point of view of course! Then, at about 5:30, we'll find a nearby
pub, one where the doctors and nurses go to relax after work, and
we'll show we really understand how those medics feel. We'll stand
at the bar and talk about how much we care about waiting lists,
postcode lotteries, MRSA, patient choice and all that stuff the
papers are always banging on about'.
So a few days later they set off from London to
a carefully selected hospital in North Yorkshire and spend the day
walking around and talking to the staff. At 5:30 in the afternoon
they left the hospital and wandered round the corner to the nearest
Now, mindful that one of the first rules of politics
is to create a caring and approachable image, the advisors at No.
10 had decided that the pub visit would look a lot more relaxed
and natural if the politicos had a dog in tow; so they had supplied
Brown and Johnson with a lovely Golden Labrador, guaranteed to melt
hearts and, more importantly, not to growl or bite anyone.
So, accompanied by the dog, they went into the
'Good evening Landlord, two pints of your best bitter please' said
'Good evening Prime Minister' said the landlord, 'two pints of best
Brown and Johnson stood leaning on the bar talking about their day
in the hospital, nodding now and again to those who came in for
a drink, whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet. As they drank
their beer they chatted loudly about the high priority they were
giving to the NHS, how they were finally going to give the medical
profession the tools they needed for the job, and free them from
the dead hand of bureaucratic NHS management.
All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar
opened and in came a young doctor they had seen earlier in the A&E
department. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked
underneath, shrugged his shoulders in a mystified way and walked
back to the other bar. A few moments later, in came a young nurse
who did the very same. To the bewilderment of Brown and Johnson,
a steady stream of hospital staff of all ages and seniority followed
Eventually, after an hour or so. unable to stand
it any longer, Johnson called the landlord over. 'Tell me' asked
Johnson,'Why are all these people coming in and looking under the
dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of local custom?’.
'Nay lad,' said the landlord, trying hard to
stifle a snigger.'It's t'hospital's 'ead of Surgery. 'Ee's in t'other
bar telling anyone who'll listen that there's a Labrador in t'lounge
wi' two arseholes'.
cheerful Prime Minister
and his Health Minister.